What Do YOU Want To Do?

I am so tired of being asked that!

I do like to be in charge of the decisions that have to be made. I do want to know all about my various test. I do like to know all the options. I just wish it was more clear as to what the best course of action is.

In my last visit with my Radiation Oncologist he asked how I was doing on the ADT. I told him my minimal side effects and the ones that bothered me the most. Then I told him that when I ordered the next shot from the pharmacy they told me it was the last one. I was puzzled because it would only be 8 months on that and he told me in the beginning that I should be on it for 18 months. He then asked if I wanted to quit it. 

That is what bothers me. No one seems to know what is the best course of action. From the the very first diagnoses the Doctor gave me literature to read. He asked me what I wanted to do. When I asked him about alternatives he seemed a little put off that I was asking him about treatments that where not his specialty (open surgery). I did feel I did not have a lot of time to make a decision because my cancer was considered medium high risk. Ultimately I chose open surgery and I am not going to second guess that decision. Especially knowing now that the pathology showed my cancer was more aggressive than the biopsy first indicated.

Then when my PSA began to rise after surgery I was again asked what I wanted to do, but when I explored options my Doctor steered me toward radiation. I suppose that they do know what is best but want to give me the illusion that I am making my own decision.  

So my Radiation Oncologist now is suggesting that I might want to go off the ADT. I am getting another shot next week and will ask my regular family Doctor what he thinks. Although when I asked him that before he seem unwilling to give his opinion saying the specialist knows the best plan of action. In the book the specialist gave me it specifically said a patient should get the opinion of his family doctor concerning the treatments the specialists want to do. 

The doctors seem to not like it when we patients go on the internet and research the options yet they do not take the time to explain all the pros and cons of each treatment. 

I am getting mixed signals from my research and the doctors, but I am leaning toward making this next ADT shot my last for now. 

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MY RADIATION TREATMENTS ARE DONE!

That is reason to celebrate, but for some reason I only feel sad. Maybe it is the ADT. Or, maybe the treatments have left me sore, uncomfortable, and tired. Also perhaps I am missing the special attention of all the kind people at the cancer center. Sometimes I just cry and that helps me feel slightly better.

The radiation technician told me during my last visit that my side effects from the radiation might get a little worse over the next couple of week, but then start to improve. She told me to call the cancer center and talk to someone if things do not improve or if I have any concerns whatsoever.  

I also wonder if it is an accumulation. Subconsciously, perhaps, I feel a great lose of who I was before all this started. My body has changed so much and that makes me sad. 

Also even though the radiation is done I don't think I will ever be totally free of the possibility that this cancer is still lurking somewhere and could flare up at any time.

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All the different health experts at the cancer center repeatedly told me I should be exercising, but they do not provide any specific training on what is the best exercise routine.  I finally called HealthLink BC (which is a free government service for health advice). I talked with a physiologist and he spent about 45 minutes going over my history and did give me specific advice on what I should be doing. So I do resistance training (weight lifting) Monday, Wednesday, Friday for 30-40 minutes each time. Then bike or walk on the other days. I take Sabbath and Sunday off.  At least that is my goal. I am sure I will miss a day occasionally. 

I also am trying to cut my caloric intake to loose weight. Research shows that one of the best ways to prevent cancer from returning is to eat in such a way as to maintain an ideal weight. That, I believe is going to be the hardest thing for me to do! Although I am pleased that I have not gained any weight since I went on ADT and that is one of the major possible side effect. 

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So this has been kind of a hodge-podge of stuff going on with me, but I think it reflects my current state. I have never in my whole life sought help from any kind of therapist but am currently thinking maybe I should now.   


Donna and I needed something to do during this month of radiation treatments so that that was not the only thing on our minds. So we decided to finish the cabinets and drawers in my little shop in the basement. The shop was basically destroyed in the house flood we had in 2014 so we have made this space with 25 drawers and a cupboard to replace what was destroyed. It is not quite complete. We plan to put pegboard on the wall behind and we have a few little sets of drawers that we will probably mount on the end walls. This will help me sort out all my stuff and hopefully make it easier to find things when I want to do a project.   Donna has her craft room, this is my shop.



The flood damage in shop

The shop after the flood



Comments

Marilyn said…
I love your willingness to show up with vulnerability. At this late stage I have learned that vulnerability is my greatest strength. I'm not very good at it.
10 October 2020 at 18:27
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