Off Balance

 

When I go for my radiation treatments the first thing I do after checking in is to collect my hospital gown and go to the change room to strip and put on the gown. Each patient has a slot for the gown which is stored in a small cloth hospital bag. My slot is #96. They ask you to use the same gown for a week or so and there is a ready supply of clean gowns and bags for you whenever you want a change. 

There are four change rooms. The first several days I used the first one but then one day I arrived and that room was occupied so I selected the second one. I was surprised that the second room had no chair so I had to stand up to change, which means sometimes I lean against the wall, a little bit, to remove my shoes and pants.

Do you see it coming?  😁

Well this day I was stripped down to my birthday suit and fiddling with the gown when there is a loud insistent knocking on my door. I was about to tell this rude person that someone is using this room, when I hear a voice say, "Are you OK in there?" At first I could not comprehend why that was happening and responded that I was fine. The nurse replied that I had pulled the "PULL FOR HELP" cord. 

I apologized and pushed the cancel button. I realized then that as I leaned on the wall to keep my balance I had inadvertently pulled the cord.  

I was thinking about this mildly humorous incident and that it is was a metaphor of my life with cancer. Kind of off balance. 

Years ago getting the biopsies and waiting for the result, fearing the "C" word would come from the doctors lips each time. That was off balancing. Then finally sitting in his examine room and being told the biopsy is positive and here are your options. That was off balancing in the extreme. It was as though I was having an out of body experience and watching from a distance. I had to sit in the parking lot a few minutes to catch my breath! And arriving home from the doctors office to tell Donna what I had learned was very difficult and off balancing.

Then reading the piles of material from the doctor, finding all kinds of things on the internet, and calling and talking to the men I knew who had also gotten this diagnoses was really putting me off balance. Kind of like how I felt trying to remove my shoes and pants without anything to lean against or sit on. 

This cancer might be called by some "the good cancer to get" but it is also so off balancing because no health professional will tell you exactly what you should do about it. Of course each has his opinion and believes that his particular discipline is the answer for you. Even as you bounce alternative ideas off them, they will tell you you could do that and the results might be the same, but I believe the cure I practice is really the best.  

I tell my fellow sufferers to make a choice and don't look back! What ever treatment option you choose is what is best for you. You will drive yourself off balance and crazy second guessing yourself.

I am writing this now because I am off balance again.

Early this morning I awoke with a slight tingle in my throat and when it was finally time to get up I definitely felt a cold coming on. I debated with myself if I should tell them at the hospital. They have guards at each door and they question you every time you enter if you have any symptoms of Covid-19. They have posted a list of possible symptoms and I have a couple of them.  I know I could have slipped by with a white lie and got my treatment and no one would have been the wiser, but I knew that was not the right thing to do. I also knew that if later I actually had Covid that I would feel really bad and stupid that I had not told them at the earliest sign. Especially if I had put others at unnecessary risk. Plus it would have been embarrassing to admit to them I had lied about my symptoms. 

So when I arrived I carefully read the list at the entrance and then reluctantly admitted to the guard that I had a couple of symptoms. They were very kind but immediately showed me to an isolated room and asked me to wait for a nurse to come and interview me. I had been preparing for my treatment so I needed the restroom frequently for my bladder, plus I am now getting other bowel side effects from the radiation. They allowed me to use the nearby public washroom, but then got a cleaning person to come and clean after I was done!

The nurse arrived with her student shadow (that seems very common in this hospital.) She asked me about all my symptoms both cold and radiation caused and determined that they would have to follow up with me. She took me to the radiation area where they have multiple rooms and restrooms. She put a sign on my door and on the restroom door I was assigned. It said that no one was to enter without proper isolation gear. She told me that she was going to consult with my doctors. 

On one of the trips to the restroom the cleaning person was cleaning "my" restroom and said she would be finished in just a minute. That was a hard minute! Then when I came back to use it 15 minutes later the sign had been removed and someone was using "my" restroom. How dare they? I was not sure what to do but thought I could hold on a few more minutes and headed back to my isolation room and met my nurse in the hallway. She assigned me a new restroom and put another sign up.

After about half an hour she was back and told me that the doctors felt I should be tested and that the radiation treatment for today would be postponed. They said missing a treatment was totally OK and that my body could use a break and it would be added on at the end.  She told me all this from across the room, clearly social distancing. She then told me she was going to get gowned up and bring the test kit. 

She never touched me and she was fully covered with mask, shield, gown and gloves. She had me move my chair so I could lean my head back against the wall. Then she told me that the test is unpleasant for everyone, and that some actually find it quite painful. She also confirmed with me which nostril was easier to breath through. That is the one she would use. She first had me blow my nose to clear it as much as possible and explained that she would be inserting this swap up my nostril far enough to reach the back of my throat! 😓  She had me hold tissue in one hand and said if I needed to cough to use that to cough into. Then she told me once she got the swab deep enough she would be twisting it for 10 second before pulling it out. 🤦‍♂️

Then she started the test and after inserting it "right to the back of my head" she said to herself, the student and maybe me that she was not deep enough and she pulled it out, measured it against the side of my head then tried a second time. This time, apparently she hit the spot and proceed sloooowly counting to 10. It was mildly painful enough to bring tears to my eyes. 

She proceeded to tell me that she was going to walk this sample to the lab herself "to make sure it is expedited". She told me they would have the result within 24 hours and if negative I should be able to get my scheduled radiation tomorrow.   

She told me that if the test was negative for Covid she would call me and if it was positive I would get a call from public health. 

I believe what I have is just a cold and that I can go back to my normal tomorrow. I don't know what the plan will be if the test is positive. It is one more thing that is a bit of  balancing.

I was instructed to "self isolate at home". DO NOT go out! To stay away from my wife and if we are in the same room to wear a mask. If possible sleep in a different room. OK! Donna has washed the guest room sheets so I am ready for tonight. The nurse also instructed me how to wash my hands and had me do it in front of her before I left the hospital. She asked me to not touch anything as I was leaving and use my elbow to push the elevator buttons. I even waited for another elevator so I was alone in that confined space. 

So now here I sit. Once again off balance. My family and my faith are all that keeps me feeling a bit balanced. And sharing this blog helps me vent. 

Keep looking UP for balance.

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I had the Covid-19 test about 9:00 on September 3 and the nurse called me with the result at 8:40 on September 4.

I AM ALL CLEAR. WHOO HOO.

So now I am waiting for a call for a new time to go in for my next radiation treatment. 

I am looking forward to complete this round of treatments and hopefully cure the big C. But, my body is beginning to object and my bowels are saying ENOUGH already! I have only completed 13 of 35 treatments. Being a cup half full kind of person I am over 1/3 of the way through this. 

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OK!

I go in around noon September 4 to continue my radiation treatment. --- Back on track.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.